why is it so hard for people to point at what they REALLY want, and why is it harder still to actually do it?

It's not gone
I know what I want from love
and I've seen glimpses of what it can be
it's accepting that it might fucking hurt
a lot
and that no matter how many times
no matter how many different times you get to love
you're not ever really going to learn
how to keep it

You dont' need a break up to be reminded
that you're a fuck up
and that so is everyone else
and we're all just trying to find someone
or something
that will be striving to be happy
at the same time
but you can only swing at the same pace for so long
it will come and go
and sometimes it will  be so far gone
sometimes you don't get to start over
and it will always be for the same reasons

I feel like I keep getting closer
and if I stumble upon the right idea I'll get to keep it
I think I know what love is
and what I want from it
it's never where I need it to be
or where I'd like it to be
but I'm always going to try to make it work
even when I know it's in the wrong place
and if it always begins fighting against what should be
it's never going to last

but at least there is love
at least I get to believe in it

Shoved

 I think I'll take a step back
and turn around on my heels
while I have this new music playing
at a tempo that makes for moving
fast and quiet
I'll find what I need
where I need it
when timing doesn't fit into life
it's time to change
No one is in love with change
but I can be in love with the idea
of a future
of perspective
of healing
of something else
so maybe it'll stand still
in yours eyes for awhile
but eventually we'll realize
we were simply moving at the same speed
too fast to notice we were parting
it's not drifting if someone is pushing

comfortable in chaos

I feel so boring
like this monotony of bills to pay
isn't real enough to be my problem
I think I haven't given up hope
that one day a school of witch craft
will call me, apologizing for the delay
or I'll wake up and realize my childhood
prepared me to save the world today

Even love is just too practical
can't be irrational
We can't do that, it's irresponsible
we must be logical
I'm sick of careful calculations
subtle manipulation
and an incantation of
following the plan

life is too fast
life is too open
life is too real
to be and to care about the mundane
and boring

You're not supposed to be the guy
standing in the grass
throwing rocks at the window
of a girl who isn't interested
but it's always that guy who ends up winning
a better girl and a better life

No one wants to be the one who cares more
but it's always that one that the audience feels for
that people cheer for

No one wants the heart breaks and the rejection
and no one enjoys being vulnerable
but being vulnerable means you knew better

the ones who knew about love in the first place
the ones who know how its supposed to work

and how you're supposed to act
and how to show
that you're in love
do what no one else wants to do