Ascension

It wasn't a fall
but we came to the bottom
and we knocked on the doors of the basement
and we brought the pizza
hoping to fit in
but we were still floating
and they could see where we came from
and though they took our offerings
we were left at the top
looking into a world we couldn't understand
so when the roof washed away
we could do nothing but fly
and we rose up to a new world
where we all float

number sevens

I think she's nice I really like her
like a habit I can't break her
I can take it when I'm higher
I can fake it
my desire
for anyone who isn't
not you and something
much more right
and someone
who can love
more than I do
healthy
or hunger
I'd rather guess
at your inability to feel
when we talk
it balances out
all my feeling
in the moment
are you sleeping
or choking on the words
you were writing
before I popped in on your light screen
in your eyes I heard you crying
in my mind I wasn't dying
I don't rhyme in poetry
I do not care more
I do not linger

the dump

it's not like it's easy
it's not like I can just rip it open
like an old school locker
and just dump all the moldy
useless garbage out
I can't have a garage sale
and entice neighbors and strangers
to come take it away
maybe even getting paid for it
I can't even pay them to take it
It's not like it's easy
I feel selfish today

I'm talking about going on a diet

I know how to talk like I"m in
And sound like I'm in
and look like I'm in
and kiss like I'm in
and feel like I'm in
and scream like I'm in
As I am in love
only baby darling
sweetheart
I'm not in love with you.
I'm in love with someone
in the past
and far away
and no he's not the one for me
but he's the one on my mind
when my eyes get that look you so adore
and he's the one I'm thinking of
when I'm touching my face and staring out the window
and he's the one that I think of when you tell me I'm beautiful
and he's the one that knows I love him
and when you tell me you want to say those words
and I look like I want to cry
it's for him not you
and at least he knows it
he knows about you
and he has his own separate life
and he's got a future
and so do I
but darling baby
sweetheart
you don't even know
you're not even a part of tomorrow

antirebellion

The point is that we're smoking
and no one is spending anything less
than an over played reality

 we may go out alone
but we can rock the party with our decisions
in eclectic collections of us

it is our prerogative to live
and our anthem is screaming with importance
our space is the frontier

they will burn down our towers
then our words
and we will be lost forever

Today is the day we purchased
and it is the last one that won't affect
learn nothing before we are consumed

the album

I've got plans
to run
  and fly
              and keep
every piece
       of my life
that I want

waiting for sunset

maybe it's more about
pretending
until it's real
or until it's gone
or until it's dark
and you have time to sneak away
into the safety of not caring
and being able to say that
because even if you do care
even a lot
it's not even close to the words
you were measuring it with
and honestly
what the hell was he thinking?

permanant marker

I'm watching my thoughts turn away from you
and while you are deeper
and you are a part and piece
I can see me loosing you
and leaving you in the dark corners
left with other forgotten crumbs
It wasn't that I didn't care enough
or that we were both too lost
It was my need for blood
and for vengeance
and you didn't melt fast enough
you didn't swim as far as you could
you didn't have much to be sorry for
and you apologized for the wrong words
I start to think of you
and your face changes
and your words read wrong
and my memories blur
into a mix
into a solution of intricate answers
and I'm thinking more
clean

plastic scissors

it was that unshared pain
that made me want to cover you in bandaid kisses
and patches, quilting up your heart
and the holes in your eyes
more than wisdom in your aged brain
and less experience in your sad memories
I wanted my smile to take you
and I wanted you to want me
instead of the demons that held you close
I wanted to replace the chips in your sholder
with my head and my hands
and I wanted to cover you with my own peace

I was stretching, trying to reach the top
and being your anchor
I only had one direction to  fall

Welcome

Like a bird, I hear over my shoulder
I finally have an opinion
on things like faith and freedom
I finally see the beauty
in burning labels
on soup cans, and on
paper back books
I can justify helping
and I can justify sharing
because I believed
and yet now that I don't
I feel more free
and I can choose to be
or to live, and either one can work
and there is no right answer
and if hell wants me
I just won't die
Thanks for teaching me
 how to fly.

no title

I can't think straight enough
to write in lines
and in construction
and in linear understanding
so forgive me
if I forget to allude to something important
 or misplace the moral
or the moment of inspiration
needed for real interpretation
There's no foot hold here
or perhaps it can be the next line
"until we find someone new"
because that's been in my head ever since
that conversation
with the man who thinks he has administration
over my feelings
and once when I was a little girl my dad told me to go to
bed and not to move
and a spider was on my wall
and I was sure I was going to die
but I didn't move
that's when I lost my obedience
when I realized it didn't make sense
and in case you've lost track
we were talking about my last love
and being reminded that it was still there
and if you're not reading this as fast as possible
you're not keeping up
there is a truck outside
it's white and it's ready for me to hop in
and to drive as far as I can
until I reach that spot in the back of my mind
that causes these days of anticipation
because there is something that I need to do
and I'm quite aware that it's a little less than moving
and a lot less than transportation
and I think that if I tell everyone I meet
that given the chance I would die for them
that I get to mean it
even if I never get the chance
and maybe that knock at my door will be the police
and they have found me in that warm bath
dead
because someone else figured out that there
was a sequence of words that I promised myself
would lead to a slow quick end
if ever uttered to me again through the phone
I won't tell you them here but it's something like
I love you forever so
unless you want a dust party
leave me and my heart alone
I think that I may have gotten off track
but I warned that the investigation of these words
would be a subtle mix of confusion
so when I say meet me again
at this time tomorrow
you should answer with the silence
of one already running as far as possible away
then there's this guy
who says I'm amazing and thanks me
for being his friend as he kisses me goodnight
and I don't know if I should laugh or cry
because he doesn't even know that all theses thoughts are running through
my brain
because it's only been 30 seconds
and instead of saying
Darling I'm crazy, and I'm only going to mess you up
I say you're welcome and goodnight
and call him handsome as I slink through the garage
and promptly sit on the floor of my kitchen
with my head in my hands
and I think for a second I might have a plan
but then there's this
not doing anything switch that clicks when I get to my room
and then I'm thinking that nothing I've thought connects
anyways so I start over with something crooked
and buy another box of sushi
and I don't share

receipts

I'm probably going to have to rob a bank
or kill you
something exciting
and the later would be okay
It would be a rush
and something to bring up at parties
I just need a list
of things to tell myself I've done
real things that I can prove
checks in the box
so I think that I could probably do that
or maybe I'll just buy something expensive

believe it

I can't tell you which I prefer
because my brain melted
It was simply too much noise
and sound, and sensation
and the proper conditions
were set
the heightened pressure
your close temperature
and a red mustang
that part wasn't important
except that it was stuck in my head
right before my mind disseminated
and it was nothing big
and it was a simple question
but like you said
distractions.

"I told you to stay tuned"

I was thinking about how I rationalize
things that make me feel uncomfortable
with "normal people do that"
and I started wondering if I think I'm abnormal
if I think I'm not part of normal people
because I'm different or better
Do I have self confidence
or is it more of a self diagnosis
I came to a conclusion
with five words
first, I realized

sugar cane

wish I knew the rules
for games like these
but even then
It's the beggining that's fun
and this part is like flying
and falling isn't the hard part
It's seeing the finish line
which I can't so
We're still smiling and asking
our pretty questions
There are rules
but they remain broken