no title

I can't think straight enough
to write in lines
and in construction
and in linear understanding
so forgive me
if I forget to allude to something important
 or misplace the moral
or the moment of inspiration
needed for real interpretation
There's no foot hold here
or perhaps it can be the next line
"until we find someone new"
because that's been in my head ever since
that conversation
with the man who thinks he has administration
over my feelings
and once when I was a little girl my dad told me to go to
bed and not to move
and a spider was on my wall
and I was sure I was going to die
but I didn't move
that's when I lost my obedience
when I realized it didn't make sense
and in case you've lost track
we were talking about my last love
and being reminded that it was still there
and if you're not reading this as fast as possible
you're not keeping up
there is a truck outside
it's white and it's ready for me to hop in
and to drive as far as I can
until I reach that spot in the back of my mind
that causes these days of anticipation
because there is something that I need to do
and I'm quite aware that it's a little less than moving
and a lot less than transportation
and I think that if I tell everyone I meet
that given the chance I would die for them
that I get to mean it
even if I never get the chance
and maybe that knock at my door will be the police
and they have found me in that warm bath
dead
because someone else figured out that there
was a sequence of words that I promised myself
would lead to a slow quick end
if ever uttered to me again through the phone
I won't tell you them here but it's something like
I love you forever so
unless you want a dust party
leave me and my heart alone
I think that I may have gotten off track
but I warned that the investigation of these words
would be a subtle mix of confusion
so when I say meet me again
at this time tomorrow
you should answer with the silence
of one already running as far as possible away
then there's this guy
who says I'm amazing and thanks me
for being his friend as he kisses me goodnight
and I don't know if I should laugh or cry
because he doesn't even know that all theses thoughts are running through
my brain
because it's only been 30 seconds
and instead of saying
Darling I'm crazy, and I'm only going to mess you up
I say you're welcome and goodnight
and call him handsome as I slink through the garage
and promptly sit on the floor of my kitchen
with my head in my hands
and I think for a second I might have a plan
but then there's this
not doing anything switch that clicks when I get to my room
and then I'm thinking that nothing I've thought connects
anyways so I start over with something crooked
and buy another box of sushi
and I don't share