Haunted House

I'm afraid of the shivering behind my eyes
the quaking between my thoughts and my tears
I'm afraid of the shaking in my hands
 the twist of my wrists
 the twitch in my legs
I'm afraid of the ice in my heart
of the metal bars around my soul
of the screaming behind my ears
I am so terrified that you will ask me the right question
I am petrified at the thought of opening up
of letting go, of coming face to face with it.
I'm hiding behind the veils, and the masks
holding onto my crumbling face

I'm afraid to discover that he was right
that you were right
that they were right
that everyone who had an opinion was right
except for me
I'm afraid to understand that there is nothing else
that there is nothing more
that it is what the mirrors read
that my reflection has no sparkle
no gleam behind
nothing more but light and refraction
nothing more then fleeting attraction
nothing more than water and air

I am afraid that my love defines me
I'm afraid that it's all I have
I hold onto it with all my might
and I run from it with all my fears
I'm afraid that I'm loosing my self, and my mind, and my sanity
That I'm losing my direction, and my feet, and my answers
My surety is shaking to the point of chaos
of changing
of back and forth pacing

I'm afraid that I'm giving away too much
or maybe too little
I'm afraid I'll never be forgiven
That you'll never forget
that you'll never know the truth
That it will never be okay.


I'm not so brave.